I Can See Clearly Now...

Wow, so a lot's happened since my last blog... not even sure when that was!! Haha!! I decided last Thursday to try an experiment with my ADD meds: not taking them. I've been feeling really "yuck" lately (actually worse than that, but that's the best overall word I could come up with)... and sooo not me, so I figured I didn't have anything left to lose. It's Tuesday, so I've now been without the meds 4 full days. I've been dealing with some amaingly painful headaches (which in itself should tell you that the crap was seriously bad for me) but other than that, I'm feeling more and more human every day! Since Sunday I've scrubbed (and I mean scrubbed) both bathrooms - ours took about an hour and I still haven't attacked the shower yet! - our bedroom, done tons of laundry, the kitchen, the living room, and the breakfast area. I've even been entertaining thoughts of cleaning our office! Which, if you've seen our office, know that this would be a full 2-day job because of all the papers stacked. It's kind of been one of those (unfortunate) deals where we put stuff in there and close the door and it's out-of-sight, out-of-mind. Anybody else has one of those rooms?? After that I've got the school/holiday room to attack - get all the holiday stuff in the attack and the rest of my school stuff in either the attic, my classroom, or the garage (which also needs to be cleaned).

I'm sure you're all sitting here going, OK, that sounds relatively normal to want your house to be clean. Well, under normal circumstances you'd be right. Don't get me wrong, I've "cleaned" over the past few months, our house wasn't a complete rats nest (ha!) but I sure didn't clean like I usually do. Over the past few months that I've been on this medicine it's seriously just hacked away at who I've been, literally! I used to clean when I was stressed, or just to do it, and with this med, I'd just sit around and cry or be bummed for absolutely no reason at all. A med that was supposed to help me think through the "fog" that is ADD actually made me depressed. I'm SOOO happy to realize that it was the med and not ME! I was picking fights with Michael that were just stupid, I felt edgy, grumpy, angry at the world, exhausted no matter how much I slept, everything. I don't know why it finally occurred to me that it could be the meds, but I'm glad it did. I even went so far as to look the med up, and some of the side effects are actually pyschotic (in your head), like what I was dealing with. Sorry, but there's no medicine worth making me feel the way that I was feeling! I'd rather just be forgetful!! Haha!!

I'm just so happy that I want to do things like take care of the house, surprise my husband with little gifts, write, work out, cook, clean, etc... I knew I wasn't myself, I'm not this dark, depressing person. Everybody has their moments, but I couldn't find anything positive about hardly anything. (Has anybody noticed how gorgeous it is outside today?!) Thanks for putting up with me!! (Especially Michael, he's had to deal with the absolute worst of it, Amanda's had to deal with a close 2nd!)

I feel like a dark veil has been lifted and I can see clearly again... it's the best feeling in the world!!!!!! :) YAY!!!!!!! I'm going to enjoy my day, work out, maybe clean a little bit more, and celebrate my sisters birthday. Y'all enjoy your day too!!