Goal #1: Focus on Me and Say Goodbye to the Bad!

So in my last post I said that it was really important to me to focus on ME and all the positive in my life... To do that, I have to get rid of the negativity in my life - or as much as I possibly can. Unfortunately, I'm swayed easily by negativity and negative people... it's like a contagious disease! It's so much harder to be influenced by positive energy, especially when it's not abundant in your life. When you're constantly having "downer" type conversations with people or even seeing negativity all the time in status updates, it's increasingly hard to keep your chin up, no matter how positive of a person you are. I think everybody knows at least one person that no matter how often you talk to them, they always are complaining about something...and it's usually something that they could turn around into something positive easily. But don't. I could get on my soapbox about this pretty easily right now because I feel like I've had an overabundance of this in my life for most of my life, and it's way past time for me to move past it! So, moving on...

This is a super hard goal for me in many ways... the biggest being having to confront some of that negativity (which includes some people in my life) and I'm so NOT a confrontational person. I've gotten better at it as I've gotten older because I've learned that while it's hard to do, it's necessary if you want to address a problem or an issue, or avoid drama altogether - go to the source rather than talk about with other people. (That could be another post in itself!) I've made some choices in late 2009 and early 2010 that I think were really good for myself and my husband, but I'm not receiving a lot of support about those decisions. It's hard when people you thought were important in your life don't respect how you feel about certain things, and basically make you feel bad for making a choice that's good and healthy for you. That could easily be a downer, but I'm choosing to see it as something else.

Which leads me to part 2 of this goal: I unfortunately get really caught up in pleasing people. I tend to shy away from situations where I feel like I might upset someone or hurt someone's feelings, and usually only end up hurting myself in the process. Or I get obsessive about thinking someone is upset with me, and try to figure out ways to make it better when it's either not that big of a deal OR not worth the time I spend to fix it. I take my friendships and relationships very seriously, which is why I don't have a ton. I'm more of a get to know somebody really well and spend years and years as friends kind of person, rather than have 50 million acquaintances you don't know... So it only makes sense that when I feel like I've hurt someone or they've hurt me I take it very personally and it hurts me. A lot. Unfortunately, the downside is that I've never been good at balancing relationships either. I tend to give a whole lot to one particular friend (I've been this way my entire life) and then unknowingly leave out the other ones. I don't even realize I'm doing it until the damage has been done. Definitely something I need to work on!

I spent this past weekend catching up with some old friends, which was so good for me. I had no idea how much I'd missed talking to these people! I'll rephrase, I did with one for sure but had other obstacles in the way. Thank goodness (for the most part, I think we need to talk a little bit more for my sake!) we cleared a lot of the ugly air out of the relationship. 2010 has been so amazing in allowing me to rekindle some older friendships that I let fall by the wayside because of all the other poisons I let into my life. Not any more! :) I'm so excited to see where these friendships will go now.

I'm really anxious (in a good way!) about how quickly my life and viewpoints have already begun to change due to this huge goal (or resolution for Jenni, haha). I'm less stressed due to the massive amounts of drama that have exited my life. I'm more positive and don't feel overwhelmed so easily. I'm more of an encouragement to my husband, because I'm not being tossed around in a whirlwind of negativity. I have more faith in myself, and my future. It really is amazing! I've had to take some hard steps to get here, but I'd definitely say it's worth the hardships in the end. This year can only get better! :)