Liam's Birth Story

I'm going to preface this now by saying that it was not a short labor, so don't expect this to be a short entry. :)

Looking back now on those last couple of weeks of my pregnancy... I'm amazed at how I functioned. I was absolutely huge and it was record-breaking hot. In fact, we somehow managed to miss both records by only a matter of days. One day for the consecutive days in a row, and two for most in the summer. Seriously?! I look back on the picture I took the morning of my induction and I'm amazed at how huge I really was. I guess you get used to that big ball out front and all that extra weight... and I was wondering how on earth I'd feel about NOT having that huge ball out front... haha!! It's amazing at how quickly you forget what you felt like pregnant after you're holding your baby in your arms. I do, however, have to disagree with all the people that told me I'd forget about how horrible labor was. I seriously doubt I'll ever forget. I might not remember with the stinging clarity I still remember it with right now, but I can't imagine forgetting how long and how painful my labor was.

I had 2 due dates: one by my sonogram (August 10) and one by my LMP (August 14). At my 39 week appointment we had the discussion (and hubby and I later made the decision to proceed with) about induction. I won't lie, I was very nervous about "forcing" Liam to come into the world, but after a month of nothing budging with my cervix and being past the point of hellacious misery, I decided to go ahead with it. My aunt and mother also didn't have the most encouraging stories concerning Pitocin - their labors went incredibly fast, so fast, there was no time for epidurals. I'm no hero, I knew there was no medal involved, I wanted that epidural!!!

My first induction date was Tuesday night at 8:00. I was going to go in and have Cervidil inserted (it goes up by your cervix) to help me dilate since I wasn't doing it naturally. Well, I got bumped. Yes, you can get bumped from your own induction! Then we were told to come in Wednesday night around the same time. Again, we were bumped. However this time I had to track down my nurses (phone calls weren't being returned) to find out a) we'd been bumped, b) we may or may not need to go in around 10 pm that night instead), and c) we might just have to be there at 7:30 am Thursday morning. According to the nurse, L & D was crazy full with pregnant women going into labor. This also happened to be around a weather change (it rained on Liam's birthday... the first day in weeks... and the temperature dropped!) and a full moon. It was crazy full all the way through about Sunday of our stay!!

Honestly, I should have realized that this is how my entire labor would go... but I was actually being optimistic (as opposed to reading too much into what was already happening and freaking out that it was a bad sign). It ended up being option C (Thurs. morning at 7:30), which I suppose was a good thing because Michael and I got two extra nights at home just us. While it was one of my biggest current freak out (life as 3 as opposed to 2...) I can honestly say that I was ready for whatever came next. Yes, I knew I'd miss those quiet, uninterrupted moments just the two of us and the spontaneity that makes us who we are - but, there was this little boy we were just dying to meet and I'd had enough with waiting. ;) We'd had our bags packed for weeks (literally, since sometime in mid-July), in the hopes that Liam would want to make an early appearance, so luckily all we really had to do was throw in our last minute toiletries we used that morning. I should have cherished that shower a little bit more than I did, what with no IV tree hooked to me and following me everywhere... but I honestly thought I'd power through like my mom and aunt and I'd be out by Friday afternoon. Boy, was I wrong. However, we left the house and went to the hospital excited that there was a possibility that we'd have our little boy at some point that day!

We got to the hospital (a 55 minute drive from our driveway in Flower Mound to the parking lot of Harris Southwest in Fort Worth) and luckily got put into a room right away. That entire first day of labor was, in essence, incredibly boring and disappointing. After my mom and sister got to the room (which was probably around 9) there was a whole lot of watching me and my monitor to see if anything was happening or progressing with the Pitocin, which it wasn't. I'd have these "monstrous" contractions according to the machine (like peaking at over 100) and I wouldn't feel a thing. There was a small amount of cramping, but nothing like what I'd read about. The optimistic, naive side of me was really hoping I was one of those people that was going to walk away from my delivery going "Wow, I thought that would be so much worse!!"... Again, wrong. (Haha, I should have just stopped trying to assume/figure things out at this point!) After an entire day of not being allowed to eat... and no progress... I was a little bit frustrated by the time they turned the Pit off around 7ish. No progress. Nothing. A cranky, pregnant, frustrated woman should be not have to be endured by anyone... but my mom, husband, and sister did it fairly well. My mom and husband caught the most of it. (I really feel for them!!)

I got the green light to eat since I clearly wasn't having Liam that night and sent my dear husband to Five Guys for a huge bacon cheeseburger with cajun fries and a Dr. Pepper. I have no idea what it was about the end of my pregnancy, but I was in love with Dr. Pepper. So strange... I won't lie when I say it was the most delicious burger I've ever had... I was so hungry!! I don't think I've been that hungry since Liam was born, haha! Anyway. I had the Cervidil put in later that night, and got my very first taste of Ambien. Granted, I'm grateful for the sleep I got that night because I definitely haven't slept like that since, but boy I felt loopy!! Kind of intense.

The next morning I got to take what would be my last shower as a pregnant lady before they started me on the Pit again. Let me tell you... taking a shower with an IV tree and what feels like 10 tubes hanging out of your arm isn't an easy feat. Luckily, I'm blessed with an amazing husband who really steps in when necessary. Disclaimer: From this point on, my times might be slightly off... it was a really, REALLY long day and very full of events. I'm doing the best I can off of what memory I have left after delivering a baby and reading text messages from the hospital, haha! I started my induction/labor Friday morning probably between 9-10, slightly more progressed than the night before (so I guess the Cervidil helped out a little). My contractions that day, felt nothing like the contractions from the day before. Nothing. They. Freaking. Hurt. Granted, they didn't really pick up till probably around 11, and while I wasn't progressing fast with my dilation, my contractions were really swinging. We were sure I'd be at a 10 far before I was, purely because of how strong they were... strong contractions had to mean something was happening with my cervix, right?!? Clearly, I knew nothing. At some point around noon (?) I got an amazing shot of Demerol... but it only lasted about an hour. They can't give you another shot after just an hour. I asked.

My water broke around 12:30, which let me tell you, scared the crap out of me. I was laying on my left side (since Liam's heartrate kept dropping with contractions) and trying to breathe through contractions I was already feeling again, and sat staight up. I'm pretty sure I scared everyone in the room, lol! The nurse that was on duty at that time came in somewhere around then and I begged for an epidural. I've never been so excited to have a needle shoved into my back in my life. I didn't see it, but I'm aware of it's size thanks to all the shows I watched on TV. Unfortunately at this point my contractions were coming really close together, and I was having major issues managing breathing, rounding my back, and pressing into the needle like they asked so I got my epidural in the midst of waves of contractions. What they don't warn you about is how painful it is when they scrape a nerve with the catheter. I actually got to get poked twice because of that. Yay. I forgot about that pretty quickly though because those drugs work fast and are ah-maz-ing. Amazing. I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to find that peace before the storm, haha!

By around 2:30 I had dilated to a 4, by 6:15 I was around 8-9 cm. Most of that day to me is hazy due to pain killers and sheer exhaustion. It's amazing how tired you get just from having all this happen to your body while you are just laying in bed. I remember people texting me asking for updates, and I couldn't focus on my phone to type back... it would take several minutes because I'd pass out or drop my phone or I'd have to wait for my eyes to re-focus so I could see the keys. It wasn't exactly fun. I didn't move to a 10 until somewhere around 9 that night, and then had to wait around an hour to start pushing to see if he'd move down a little on his own. He was at 0 station and they wanted to try to see if he'd get to +2 on his own.

Between 9 and 10 (probably closer to 10) I got another bolus of pain meds in my epidural because I felt it wearing off and I wasn't about to push Liam out pain med free... Mom and Diane (Michael's mom) came in the room before I was supposed to start pushing, and Mom prayed with me. Honestly, all I could focus on was how worried I was that Liam wasn't OK. I'd been laboring since 8 am on Thursday and it was now 10 pm on Friday. His heartrate had dropped several times over the course of the day due to my contractions/the Pit so I was ready for him to be out in the world where I could see for myself that he was safe.

Now, here's the irony of my delivery. My worst fears concerning pregnancy and delivery were the following: laboring for hours and having to end up having a c-section and the umbilical cord wrapped around Liam's neck. Now, I'll admit that at the very beginning of my pregnancy I leaned toward a c-section because it was "easier" (delivery wise) and I honestly didn't want to go through pushing out a baby. The more I read about c-sections throughout my pregnancy, the less I wanted one... in fact, I guess you could say that I started to fear them. They're very risky even though they're performed all the time!

I pushed for two hours. Those were the longest two hours of my life. By the end of those two hours, my epidural had worn off (thanks to at least half of it spilling out around my 10:00 refill, we discovered this later...), I was being prepped for a section, and I still had no baby. I had to lay there and watch my dr's face become less and less confidant every time she walked into my room, asked for an update, and checked my monitor... and become a little more worried as my temperature rose and Liam's heart rate dropped. I had to watch my husband fight with keeping his face worry free (or as much as possible) because I was near hysteria from the pain of my contractions. I couldn't be more honest when I say I've never cried so hard in my life. That's no exaggeration.

I've had one surgery in my life (other than this one), and prior to this experience I had only stayed one night in the hospital and it was earlier this year. Being wheeled into a c-section while my entire family is somewhere else in the hospital unaware of what's going on (at least that what I knew at that point) and my husband is having to stay back in the delivery room is nothing short of terrifying. Once I got to the OR, things were happening fast... or at least seemed to be because there appeared to be quite a few people in the room. I had more boluses of pain meds, had my arms restrained (which isn't the most comforting feeling in the world), and was poked and prodded to figure out where I was/wasn't numb. My epidural was so low in my back apparently that my pain meds weren't getting high enough, so the table had to be lowered so that my feet were higher than my head and the pain meds could flow where they needed to. I think my favorite part was in the midst of the incredible pain med fog I was in, I could feel really intense pushing and kept telling them that it hurt... so they apparently gave me a horse tranquilizer. I don't remember my son being born, AND our camera decided to be stupid and die after only two pictures. And of course in the middle of everything Michael didn't have his phone so we had no back up. Not his fault at all, I mean how on earth would he think to grab a phone as a back up in the midst of the complete chaos that was Liam's delivery!!! It was just really disappointing. However, being that it was somewhat of an emergency c-section, I'm not sure how many "normal" hospital delivery pictures he would have been able to get. I don't remember riding back to the delivery room with my son on my chest. Again, very disappointing to realize. Especially after waiting so long to finally hold him.

I found out later that the pressure I was feeling prior to the horse tranquilizer was my dr literally being on top of me pulling things back while another dr was pushing things back to get Liam out - he was stuck in the birth canal with the cord around his neck and shoulder. At my two-week appointment we also discovered that my birth canal is small, so to my comfort (or at least that's what my dr was aiming for) I couldn't have birthed Liam naturally no matter what. He was coming via c-section regardless, we just didn't know what we know now. Thankfully, if and when we decided for a second baby, it will be scheduled and easy. :)

I can at least somewhat remember nursing Liam for the first time, and taking his picture with Michael... I was so drugged still I didn't want my first picture with him to look that bad. There's no way anyone looks remotely decent after going through what I went through. No way. I'd like to say I slept that night, but I think it was more like "passing out". We stayed in the hospital until that following Tuesday, which I am more grateful for than I could possibly express. Recovering from a c-section is not fun at all!!

I'm more grateful than words can express that my son made it safely into this world - I know there was quite a bit of prayer going on thanks to my mother and her texting. ;) While the process was horrific, the end result was mind-bogglingly beautiful and full of blessings. Talking about it later with family, it's kind of scary to look back and realize that we both were actually in danger and it honestly never occurred to me... at least not the part about me. Prayer is truly amazing...