Countdowns: 2 more weeks, and I have a 3-day weekend... thank you Good Friday!! 4 more weeks and I never have to hear the word TAKS again. Thank GOD. 7 more weeks (ish) and I have Memorial Day weekend... hell-o summertime!!! 9 more weeks (give or take a couple of days) and school will be OUT!!!!
Lately, I've developed an obsession with New Orleans. OK so not lately, ever since I set foot in that city a month and a half ago! Haha! There's something about that place that's intoxicatingly, mysteriously, fascinating. I wish I could explain it... There are only a few things I've seriously explored beyond the normal person's fascination: the Titanic, TX history (particulary the TX revoluation... so interesting!), Ireland, and William Wallace (blame Mel Gibson and Braveheart!!). I find myself googling endless topics on the "Big Easy", and perhaps it's because it's just so different and it's a way to escape the stress of school, which right now is my life! I have no idea... but it's definitely dredged up the desire to start writing again! I'm plotting a trip back at the end of school... what better way to celebrate the end of the school year than beautiful Cypress trees, swamps, and Bourbon street? LOL Those of you who've known me for awhile know I used to sit and write for hours... I probably made endless teachers angry because there they were teaching their lesson and I was sitting at the back of the room just writin' 90 to nothin' (or sitting with my nose in a book...)! It's always been a dream to be on the New York Times Best-Selling list, so maybe (just maybe!) I finally have the maturity - in my writing - and the knowledge to crank out a best-seller. We'll see!! Speaking of which, does anybody know where I can take a creative-writing class other than TCU? I took one my junior year in college but my dear ex talked me into dropping it. Thanks jerkwad! Really can't afford to go back and take that one class. It's funny how I've held onto everything I've ever written... I can see how my writing has grown and developed over the years. Friends who've known me for that long are probably laughing out loud reading this, thinking about some of the "crap" that was written about the time we were in junior high... (Sarah, are you reading this?? HAHA!!! I still have that story...) I have one piece of writing that's topped out at about 200 pages that I've written, re-written, and re-written... and will probably re-write again. My teachers always told me I was great at that editing process!! However, only about a handful of people have read it. It's actually pretty scary to let somebody read something you've put that much of yourself into... what if they don't like it? What if they say something terrible? And then I have to remember... Dr. Seuss was rejected 27 times before he was ever published. It's not always terrible to be told no because eventually, there will be yes!
All of these people I know are popping out babies and going back to school to get their Master's... and while I've always thought it would be fascinating to go back and do that (I was even ambitious enough once to want a PhD)... I have no idea what I'd want to get it in. I don't know that I want to go back and get it in education, because honestly... it's growing tiresome. If it was all about the teaching and making a difference (as it should be) I would go back in a heartbeat and maybe go for a reading specialization or become a librarian. But, since it's not (or at least not where I'm at! it's all about how they did on the stupid TAKS test...) I'm getting to the point where I'm ready to move on. Or maybe there's a secret to it I've not yet discovered for whatever reason... but I don't think that's it. I think I'm just bored. I've thought about going back and getting my Master's in TX History (which from what I've seen is only offered at SW TX) and maybe teaching at a college level or something. I'd love to go to UT and my Master's there... kind of one of those things I'd like to cross off my 'Things I'd Like to do Before I Die' list. Haha! It's very frustrating to be at this point in my life, and know I want to do many many things... but not knowing where to go or what to do. I just know I'm not entirely happy doing what I'm doing. Maybe spending another year in the same grade level might be the key... who knows?? I've tossed around the whole teaching in a private school thing, but the pay cut would cause more stress than it would be worth so I'll be waiting awhile on that front too!
I've thought about going back and taking dance, you know, tap into something I know I'm good at and have done since I was 5... but I'm not sure what I'd want to take. Do you see a pattern of indecisiveness here??? HA! I think it's the massive levels of stress and frustration I'm feeling just all over the board. At the root of everything I know that I need to do something for me, on a very personal level... because I'm just not getting that fulfillment from teaching I did my first year. Whether it be dancing, writing, both... I need some motivation! I need a spark! And I need it quick! I'm goin' a little stir-crazy...and I know I need to pay more attention to me and stop giving so much of myself to other things. By the time the end of the day rolls around, there isn't much "me" left, not even for my husband and that's terrible to admit. That's what really made me realize I've got to unload this stress somehow in a way that I'd enjoy and actually committ to. If my best friend lived closer, I'd make her work out with me... maybe I can still twist her arm to do something a couple of days a week: those bikini days are getting closer! OH! And on that note: I've lost 2 more pounds... so I'm down to a grand total of 9 pounds lighter than my weight on January 1!!! GO ME!!!! :D I'm officially back to weight I was 2 years ago (and I might have been at one point last summer, just didn't stay there long!) and fitting back into my size 28 Sevens - comfortably (that's the important part). Having to buy a bigger size in those this Christmas really made me mad!! I'm still working on my goal of my wedding weight, so I've still got about 7 pounds left. Granted, I'm probably taking it overboard because I really don't look bad at all... but I really liked the way clothes fit at that weight!! I'm very hippy (ghetto booty... ugh) and always have been - even when I weighed 105 lbs. Yes, I promise I was once that tiny - I have pictures to prove it! Did I look good? NO. Did I still have a larger than life butt? YES. I can't escape it, but I sure can shrink it so it fits better into shorts, capris, and jeans!! If I'd continue to eat like I'm eater (much smaller portions) and continue to drink water, and then (gasp!) exercise I might actually drop those last 7 lbs!! 10 might be "perfect", but let's face it... I love food!!! Giving up that much food I enjoy just makes me cranky. Even the hotties from the Girls Next Door (Kendra and Bridget - I have the article to prove what I'm about to say) said it's really not necessarily about what you eat, but how much of it you consume. If you deprive your body of the foods you crave and enjoy, you just end up bingeing (sp? I don't think that's a drop the 'e' add 'ing' word... it looks funny if you do that...) and then you gain it all back. Which I really believe is true - I've done it!!
My sweet husband has been under quite a bit of stress (oh, the joys of being an adult!), but I think we're finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. While the end of the tunnel might still be a ways off... the light's there and that's hopeful. We've had a lot thrown at us over the past few months, 2009 has been a rough year so far! But I think we will only come out better for it all in the end... he has a new job and I think it will be so much better for him, and for us in the end. Right now is still pretty hard, but come May/June I think things will be much smoother! He will have had a couple of months in doing what he's good at, not feeling the stress of the BS he was dealing with before... and I'll be done with school. Hooray!! We've decided to wait a bit on the whole baby thing... but I think we'll be better parents for it in the end. I think there's still some things that need to be settled before we take that step - not in a bad way - just financially and all things related... yuck! This is the first time since we've been married my husband has had a job that he didn't run - he still gets the benefit of working his own hours, just without the stress of dealing with employees and retail and all that junk - and it will be so nice to have a consistant income. I know that will take a lot of stress of both of our backs!! I'm so proud of everything he's accomplished, and I'm so happy that he was able to take this step...its something he's needed to do for awhile now.
June will be our 3 year anniversary and I have no idea where all the time has gone. Michael and I have been together for almost 6 years now... and that's just crazy to me! I've known him almost 9 (even crazier) and I feel so lucky that I'm getting to experience life with someone who's been with me for 1/3 of my life. Aside from my family and maybe a couple of friends... I don't have anybody who's been around for me that long, and that's so special to me. We've been through so much... but we always come back so much stronger!! I can't even begin to explain how much it means that he's been there - so supportive - through all this stuff with my dad. I can literally count on one hand the people I can count on when I'm having a bad Dad day, or moment. Thinking about that, really makes me realize that life could always be so much worse... and I'm a very fortunate person. It's easy to forget that with all the other things going on in our lives... and even easier to forget to tell those people that are so important that they really do matter. God really is good!!
All I have to say is that if someone will bring their brother over to your house and play Wii games and then drinking games until around 6-7 am just because you need them to, you should consider them a major blessing in your life!! 
Anybody who continues to love you as much as this man does me, is seriously one of the luckiest people on Earth... and should be eternally grateful that you are blessed enough to be so fortunate. 
My father has no idea what he's missing, but I've tried to tell myself that maybe it's better with just the 3 of us... we're closer than we used to be, and it's just us girls! I'm very blessed to still have this much of my family, and be surrounded by people I know love me for who I am.
May love and laughter light your days, and warm your heart and home. May good and faithful friends be yours, wherever you may roam. May peace and plenty bless your world, with joy that long endures. May all life's passing seasons, bring the best to you and yours!
May God give you... for every storm, a rainbow, for every tear, a smile, for every care, a promise, and a blessing in each trial. For every problem life sends, a faithful friend to share, for every sigh a sweet song, and an answer for each prayer.
Love y'all!
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